Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
birth control should be required to get into college
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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