I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
