Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
