i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You can't motorboat a personality
never play flip cup with pint glasses
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
