I cut my penus on the lid.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's blow job season.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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