I met the friendliest cop last night
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
