Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
