I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
