you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
