mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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