i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
