Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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