If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
