So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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