Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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