Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
