And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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