I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
