i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
