I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he was CRYING into my vagina
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
