How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
