If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
