Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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