i don't like sucking hair
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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