the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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