I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
