Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
