She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
