I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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