The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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