She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
