I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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