It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
