Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Pooping to opera.
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