are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
