whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
