Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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