I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
