I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
