Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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