It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
