So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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