Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I am midnight drunk by noon
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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