Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize