Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
