holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
