She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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