Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
A bitchslap is in order.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
