My Higher Power is John Stamos
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
