Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
