that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
