Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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