Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
