My first STD was from a foam party
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize