Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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