Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize