so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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