I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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