why didn't you poke me back
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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