did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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