Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
