i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
