My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I could make wine with my vomit
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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