The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
