It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize