ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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