I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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