I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
