And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
