ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
