Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize