I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
