Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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