WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
