That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
