i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
