You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
